Perfectionism is the pursuit of excellence, whether directed at ourselves or expected from others. While this drive can lead to positive outcomes, it can also have negative consequences. Understanding these tendencies can help reduce unnecessary pressure and stress.

Types of perfectionism

Self-oriented perfectionism involves setting unrealistically high standards for yourself. People with this type of perfectionism are often highly self-critical, constantly pushing themselves to achieve perfection in all aspects of life. While striving for personal growth can be beneficial, when taken to extremes, it can result in burnout, persistent dissatisfaction, and a deep fear of failure.

Others-oriented perfectionism people impose unrealistic or excessively high standards on those around them, whether in personal relationships, the workplace, or within the family. They expect perfection from others and may become critical or frustrated when these expectations are unmet. And the frustrations can lead to anger or abuse.

Socially prescribed perfectionism arises when people feel external pressure to appear perfect, driven by societal expectations, family influences, workplace culture, or social media. Those with this type of perfectionism believe others demand flawlessness from them, leading to constant worry about judgment or rejection. This overwhelming need to meet perceived expectations often results in low self-esteem and anxiety.

Positive & negative impacts of perfectionism

Perfectionism is neither entirely good nor bad.

Positive aspects:

• Motivation for excellence: Perfectionists often set high goals, which can lead to outstanding achievements.
• Strong work ethic: They tend to be detail-oriented, and willing to put in the effort to improve their skills.
• Accountability: Perfectionists typically hold themselves accountable, maintaining a sense of responsibility in what they do.

Negative aspects:

• Dissatisfaction: Because perfection is impossible, perfectionists often feel their work or achievements are never good enough.
• Stress and burnout: The pursuit of perfection can lead to excessive stress, anxiety, and eventually burnout.
• Paralysis by analysis: Perfectionists may struggle to make decisions, fearing they’ll make the wrong choice, or avoid tasks altogether if they don’t believe they can do them perfectly.

Do you have the traits of a perfectionist?

Being someone else feels deeply suffocating, like you’re trapped in a constant battle with yourself. Your mind fills with nagging questions: What will they think of me? Am I making the right decision? Will I be accepted or liked for my actions? These questions can swirl endlessly, creating self-doubt and anxiety, pulling you further away from your true self.

If you’ve ever felt this inner conflict, it’s a sign to pause and reflect. The next, most important question is: Am I true to myself? Why is something bothering me?

Becoming aware of this inner struggle is a powerful first step toward living authentically.

Causes of perfectionism

Perfectionism can arise from a variety of influences:

Childhood Environment: Children who receive praise only for their achievements or harsh criticism for their mistakes may develop the belief that they must be perfect to be loved or valued. Growing up with parents who have exceptionally high expectations can lead children to internalize the idea that anything less than perfection is unacceptable. This kind of pressure can create a lifelong struggle to meet those standards.

Social Comparison and Competition: Engaging in social comparisons, especially in competitive settings such as schools, workplaces, or on social media, can fuel perfectionistic behaviours. Constantly measuring oneself against others can foster a desire to excel, often at the expense of personal well-being.

Fear of Failure or Rejection: Have you ever felt a need to be liked, or have you been nice to be liked? For many perfectionists, striving for flawlessness acts as a protective mechanism. They believe that achieving perfection will safeguard them from criticism, judgment, or rejection, which can lead to anxiety and a reluctance to take risks.

Media Influence: Exposure to curated representations of success and beauty in media and social platforms can contribute to unrealistic standards. You end up living life as per other’s expectations and likes.

Personality Characteristics: Certain personality traits, such as high levels of conscientiousness, self-discipline, and sensitivity to others’ opinions, can increase the likelihood of developing perfectionism. These traits often drive one to seek control and reassurance, a main reason for looking for validation.